Marriage, according to our young Millennials

Asked about her plans for marriage, 19-year-old Tang Wen Yu imagines herself tying the knot in her late 20s or early 30s, once she has completed higher studies and her “finances are secure”.

On the other hand, 23-year-old Fong Yu Yang is already engaged. “Some of my friends don’t really put marriage as their first priority because they have other personal achievements that they want to accomplish first, like a good career or to travel around the world,” he says. But, having been with his girlfriend for seven years, they find that their relationship has not held them back from pursuing their goals.

Wen Yu and Yu Yang are among 30 students who are partnering MSF to redesign our iconic ROM and ROMM Building. It is part of our ongoing collaboration with Institutes of Higher Learning – including Singapore University of Technology and Design (SUTD), Ngee Ann Polytechnic(NP) and Temasek Polytechnic.

Wen Yu recalls being slightly “shocked” when fellow participants shared their dreams of marrying early. Although marriage is not yet on the cards for her, she says that the involvement to redesign ROM and ROMM project is special because it gives her a chance to make an impact “on the real world”. “It’s cool to know that we might be married in the very same building that we [helped to] design,” she says.

Currently studying Sustainable Urban Design and Engineering at NP, she says one possible idea for the revamp is replacing the prosaic seats at the waiting area with a comfortable lounge. Perhaps inspired by the coffee culture of her generation, she suggests setting up a café to serve couples waiting for their turn for solemnisation.

As for Yu Yang, he imagines a special area for love locks which couples can attach to bridges, fences and other public fixtures to symbolise their love. If there is insufficient space for this, this feature could be digitalised. Taking inspiration from Changi Airport’s Social Tree, he also suggests creating a similar installation at ROM and ROMM for people to upload and share photographs. Yu Yang is currently studying Engineering Systems and Design at SUTD.

On Valentine’s Day earlier this year, MSF collaborated with the Singapore Memory Project to launch “MyROMStory”, a portal for couples to share such photographs and their memories. MyROMStory encourages couples to remember their special day and inspire those who have said “I do” to re-commit to each other and say “I still do”.

As a designer herself, Wen Yu would like her own wedding to be “decorative, but still very intimate”, with only her close family and friends in attendance. Wen Yu has been with her boyfriend for four years. When he found out about her participation in this project, he was excited like her, she says.

Yu Yang’s girlfriend was also delighted to learn of his participation in the project. They had not previously thought of having their solemnisation in the ROM building, but are now considering it. His participation in the refurbishment project is “going to be a special reason why we should get solemnised and married in the ROM building itself”.

A brief overview of MSF’s work 2016

Whether it is to support families, foster a more inclusive Singapore, or provide a good start for every child, MSF will continue to work to nurture a resilient and caring society that can overcome challenges together.

Here are some of what MSF has done in 2016:

msf2016-strengtheningfamilies

Families are the building blocks of our society. That’s why we believe that having strong families is key to our nation’s progress.

Find out more:
Safe and Strong Familes Pilot: http://tinyurl.com/SSFpilot
Marriage Preparation Programme: http://tinyurl.com/marriageprogrammes
Positive Parenting Programme: http://tinyurl.com/TriplePPilot
Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA): http://tinyurl.com/LPAFeeWaiver

msf2016-inclusivesociety

Building a society that supports those who come from less-advantaged backgrounds and those living with disabilities is important to us.

Find out more:
ComCare Assistance: http://tinyurl.com/ComCareAssistance
SHARE as One: http://tinyurl.com/SHAREasOne
Recommendations for 3rd Enabling Masterplan: http://tinyurl.com/Recommendations3EM

msf2016-goodstartforchildren

Our children are the nation’s future, and having a strong start in life will enable them to reach their potential in adulthood.

Find out more:
Baby Bonus scheme: http://tinyurl.com/BabyBonusScheme
KidSTART: http://tinyurl.com/KidSTARTpilot
Early Childhood Manpower Plan: http://tinyurl.com/EarlyChildhoodManpowerPlan
Amendments To The Child Development Co-Savings Act: http://tinyurl.com/AmendmentsToCDCA

To Love and to Cherish; For Better or for Worse

By Minister Tan Chuan-Jin

At MSF, we keep a close eye on statistics related to marriages and divorces. I looked through the latest annual report on Marriages and Divorces by the Singapore Department of Statistics – good to know that the number of marriages are more or less at status quo compared to the year before.

Overall, no drastic fluctuations. But there’s been a slight increase in the number of divorces.

All married couples will have challenges along the way. But if we take our vows seriously and view it as sacred, we owe it to each other and to our families to work through those difficult moments. Efforts to strengthen marriages can help. Sometimes, marriage counselling can help at an early stage, to soothe the tensions and save marriages.

singstat
Source: Singapore Department of Statistics

Unfortunately, sometimes, things don’t quite work out. Divorce is never easy for any couple, especially when children are involved.

We will introduce the Mandatory Parenting Programme at the end of the year for divorcing couples with young children. The programme will give them time and space to think deeply about issues they will face, both during and after divorce, and how they can protect their children’s interests will be emphasised in all they do.

Staying Committed

The promises and wedding vows we say may differ from couple to couple, but the underlying lifetime commitment remains consistent. When we fall in love and step into marriage, we wish to stay committed to our partners through thick and thin. And for that love to grow and become the cornerstone of the marriage. However, this doesn’t just magically happen so that we can live happily ever after. It requires us to work hard at it and to never take it for granted.

MSF and our partners run many marriage preparation and enrichment programmes in the community. These programmes will help us, as husbands and wives, to better understand and communicate with each other. It will give us skills to resolve conflicts when they arise.

A good marriage brings joy and deep fulfilment. But it will require our dedication and constant effort to nurture that relationship. Let us all remember our vows and renew our commitment to our spouses and our marriage.

Embracing our Roles in Life

By Parliamentary Secretary Assoc Prof Faishal Ibrahim

Throughout our lives, we take on many different roles. And the importance we place on each of these roles changes at different stages of our lives.

Sometimes, the beauty of life lies in its cyclical nature. Just last week, I saw 12 couples renew their marriage vows at the Family Life First Carnival and also sat in for a session of the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Programme (PREP).

At PREP, I met a lovely young couple – Darren and Clare – who will soon embark on their own journey together as husband and wife. They attended PREP to learn tips on building a marriage based on a strong foundation of love and understanding.

family life first_parl secAnd they said “I Do”…again.

This reminds me of how my wife and I learnt over the years that maintaining a strong marriage and being good parents does not come easy. We need to make a conscious effort to communicate, understand and to encourage each other. To keep our strong commitment to each other and to our children.

When my children were born, I felt like the happiest father alive! At the same time, I felt the pressure – I knew that as a father, I had to be a good role model and inculcate good values in my children. My father must have felt the same too.

Strong marriages lead to strong families. When we have a strong marriage, we will then be better able to create a happier environment for our children to grow in. If we lead by example, our children will learn to develop strong and lasting relationships of their own.

A father’s presence and influence in their children’s lives often mean more to them than they realise.

It is on occasions like Father’s Day that we are reminded of the responsibilities we have in shaping our children into individuals who are responsible, capable, giving and nurturing – who can also teach their children to embrace the various roles in life well.

This Father’s Day, let’s make the personal choice to spend time with our families meaningfully.

To all fathers and grandfathers, Happy Father’s Day!

Be a Dad for Life

By Minister Tan Chuan-Jin

Quick question for all dads: Has your Father’s Day celebrations been rather low key as compared to Mother’s Day celebrations?

Maybe it’s our traditional cultural roles that make it that way. How we think it’s Dad’s job to go out and make money, and Mum’s role to take care of the family.

But today, these traditional roles are evolving. Now, more couples take on shared responsibilities in supporting the family. Fathers are becoming more actively involved in their families.

There is no doubt that we, as fathers, play an important role in our children’s lives.

Sure, it’s easy to get caught up with work. But is the tradeoff really worth it? I’m sure we don’t want to miss hearing our child say their first word, or take their first step.

Children grow up so fast. I think it’s immensely important to create special memories and moments with our children from young. But we can start from everyday activities.

For example, I was glad to catch ‘X-Men: Apocalypse’ (on a movie date!) with my daughter after her exams were over. We had a great time discussing the movie afterwards…

xmenapoc

(…Such as how Professor X may need some Beijing 101 after the events of the movie)
Image: 20th Century Fox

So, time spent in both quality and quantity does matter. At the same time, do remember to appreciate our own fathers and include them in our celebrations too!

On the whole, it is good to see that more families and organisations are starting to celebrate Father’s Day in a big way. I’m glad to be a part of a few of these celebrations – such as the “Dad’s Day Out” event on Father’s Day today, and the Families for Life Father’s Day picnic later this month.

Fathering is a beautiful and meaningful journey, and I am proud to be a father. To answer my own question? It’s not about the size of the celebration, but the strength of the bond with my children that matters more to me. 🙂

To all Dads and Grandfathers out there, Happy Father’s Day!

The Toughest Job in the World

By Parliamentary Secretary Assoc Prof Faishal Ibrahim

Parl Sec_Mother.png

My late mother with her grandchildren

A mother’s job is to be on call – 24/7.

A mother has to multi-task between running the household, caring for the family, deal with ‘skirmishes’ between siblings…and so much more!

I think being a mother is the toughest job in the world. No previous experience required, but plenty of on-the-job training available. Although tough, the job comes with love, care and concern.

I remember my own late mother became the beacon of light for my family.  She worked very hard in the day, cooking in the early hours of the morning before going to work.   Sometimes, I wondered what kept her going.  It was clearly the love, care and concern that she had for the family.  It was also her sense of responsibility for the family.  My siblings and I are privileged to be part of this journey with her, which in turn shaped our character and lives.

Today, a woman’s role in society has evolved. Many mothers are active in the workforce. The proportion of dual-income married couples has also increased.

Juggling between work and family life is a struggle many mothers face. Previously, women were more likely to cite family-related responsibilities as the main reason for not working. Such choices are often personal, as all families have their unique situations.

We have put in place a number of initiatives to better support parenthood and families. This includes more family-friendly infrastructure and policies such as paternity leave and CDA First Step to help defray childcare costs.

Now, we have the choice to build and maintain strong family ties. I urge all dads out there to get more involved with (not only!) housework but in child care. I’m sure many of you can become as pro as Mom in no time!

This Mother’s Day, let’s take the time to acknowledge and appreciate the sacrifices that the mothers in our life have made. Let’s give our moms and wives all the love they have given us, back to them.

Dads out there, let’s share the load. Let’s start small. I’m sure it will go a long way in truly supporting our wives.

Every Day is Mother’s Day

By Minister Tan Chuan-Jin

IMG_4013

My Mum and I

When our children were younger, they would hold your hand, come running to you to hug you and they will just absolutely adore you.

As they grow older, our love will also grow and our relationship with them will evolve. They will begin to have lives of their own and in turn, will one day become parents themselves too.

In our eyes, they will always be our little children. But do we not realise that our parents probably look at us the same way too? Do we take our parents for granted? Do we get more impatient as they begin to slow down with age? Do we show enough appreciation to them?

Occasions like Mother’s Day provide us an opportunity to reflect, remember and to celebrate. I am sure we all have our family traditions. It can range from flowers, chocolates, big dinners, or simple homemade cards or just preparing breakfast.

In truth, as a son, father and husband, I have come to realise that our wives and mothers deserve more than these once a year grand gestures of appreciation. We really should show our appreciation every day through our actions.

Making it a point to visit parents regularly or even just to call them are some things that we children can do for our parents. Simple gestures like helping to supervise the children’s homework, changing the baby’s diaper, or washing the dishes are just some things that we fathers can do for our families.

Although many women are the main caregivers for their children, more fathers do want to be involved. We want to encourage this and to provide more support such as paternity leave and flexi-work arrangements.

So what will you be doing this Mothers’ Day?  And what should we do to treat every day as Mother’s Day?

Meanwhile, to all the mothers and grandmothers out there, I wish you Happy Mothers’ Day!